Madeline (M.M.) Gornell is the author of six award-winning mystery novels. Her current literary focus is Route 66 as it traverses California’s Mojave Desert. Madeline is a lifetime lover of mysteries, and besides reading and writing, is also a potter. She lives with her husband and assorted canines in the High Desert. For more information, visit her at website or Amazon Author Page.

I love writing. But writing isn’t always easy.

These days I do feel very lucky though because my fellow Writers in Residence overflow with inspiration, encouragement, and expertise. And I also try to keep my eyes open for nuggets I can grab, steal, use, incorporate from fellow knowledgeable and sharing authors. So here’s the thought-crumb trail that led me to this post. Gayle Bartos-Poole’s recent post here http://tinyurl.com/glnyqrh, Patricia Gligor’s recent blog http://pat-writersforum.blogspot.com/2016_05_22_archive.html, Paul Alan Fahey’s latest collection http://tinyurl.com/h96kjbh , and John Daniel’s Joy of Story blog http://johnmdaniel.blogspot.com/ . I don’t write short fiction, actually write long winded prose—can’t help it—but I take inspiration wherever I can get it. Listening, then incorporating into my writing what I hear that makes sense. And to write short fiction, in my mind, you have to take all the things that make a well-told story, then pare them down to their essence. And it’s a look inside of my trying to do just that in this post.

Which next brings me to Gayle’s post on openings. She said it all so excellently! And one of the points she makes is setting the tone in the opening. Boy do I agree with that! The Preface and Opening I want to be my invitation to the reader, “Come on in and go on my journey.” Ha! Not there yet, but that’s the goal. So, “Come on in,” and see how I’m trying to get there.

My current work in process has to do with making a film in the desert. (Yes, I stole the film aspect from friend and mystery writer Marilyn Meredith’s book River Spirits(I loved it)- in her Tempe Crabtree series) http://tinyurl.com/zxglxdv . The making of the film in my WIP is a central theme for several of the characters, and in my mind what they think, see, and feel are very important to the whole book. So, I have spent significant time rewriting the opening scene—wanting a reader to see, feel, touch what I was seeing. (1)

Here’s what I first wrote:

It was still early morning. They’d actually taken off in what Pete considered darkness. What he now saw was the new light of the developing day. The sun was an almost pure–white globe with broadening bands of saturated yellow emanating—more like glowing—north and south from the globe. Bright without being blinding, colored without being saturated, and sparkling without being confusing. He could even feel it on his skin, then laughed at his hyperbolic silliness. Then he saw the chimney.

Georgeous. And Pete found it hard to get that stone-chimney out of his mind’s-eye. He almost sighed aloud.

Next was:

It was still early morning, they’d actually taken off in what Pete considered darkness. What he now saw was a world gently kissed with the new light of the day. The sun was an almost pure white globe, with broadening bands of saturated yellow emanating—more like glowing—from the north and south along the horizon. He blinked, as if what he was experiencing wasn’t real. Indeed, how the sunrise could be bright without being blinding, colored without being saturated or intense, and sparkling without being confusing. Pete even thought he felt a sun type warmth on his skin, then couldn’t help but laugh at his hyperbolic silliness.

Georgeous. He found it hard to get that stone-chimney out of his mind’s-eye—looking at it as he was from the West, and it silhouetted against the sunrise. He almost sighed aloud.

You get the idea how that went for a few times. Every time I open the WIP to write more words, I first rewrite the opening. Peculiar possibly, but true. Next, I realized from my short-fiction friends, who cares about all that sunset stuff—where’s the people? Where’s the character POV? Why does a reader want to care? Or go along for the ride.

So here’s what I had a couple days ago:

“Did you see that stone-chimney?” Pete Lily was becoming more comfortable talking into his headset microphone, no longer shouting like when they started out. “Down there to the West. Just standing there by itself.” He wanted to include the pilot’s name in his observation—which he thought was Jack—though wasn’t sure, and didn’t want to risk calling him by the wrong name.

“Yep,” he heard his pilot answer. Pete waited for more Pilot comment. But after a long moment passed, he figured that was all he was going to receive by way of reply. Conversation probably not included in the price.

Even though it was a preliminary flyover, Pete had asked for the “door-removed option,” just like it would be during shooting. He was aware others in the business thought him the best scene-framer on the West Coast. He knew he wasn’t; especially when it came to aerial photography. I am darned good when it comes to a still-cut. But this, looking down, looking out, seeing it all from an omniscient-like view. That’s something else………

Where I started description-wise, is now on page three! But never fear, EVERY time I add to this book, edit, revise, whatever, I will refine this beginning. And I don’t yet know how it will end up. Why? Because at this point in my writing journey, I so agree with what Gayle said about opening tone, voice, and taking the reader (not only to the place) but into the action.

Writing isn’t always easy. But as Patricia Gligor points out in her timely for me post, “Enjoy the Journey.” Hopefully there’s also a writing nugget here for some of my fellow travelers.

Happy (Writing) Trails!

[i] Also grabbing at my brain is a TV series entitled Aerial America.

A former private detective and reporter for a small weekly newspaper, G.B.Pool writes the Johnny Casino Casebook Series and the Gin Caulfield P.I. Mysteries. She teaches writing classes: “Anatomy of a Short Story,” “How To Write Convincing Dialogue” and “Writing a Killer Opening Line.” For more information about Gayle and her books, visit her website.

Whether you are writing a novel, short story, or screenplay, you want to open your story with a BANG!

 The Most Important Lesson:

If you want to give yourself a better chance to have your short story, novel or screenplay picked up by an agent, a publisher, or a producer, you have to get their attention FAST. If you are lucky, an agent/publisher will read your first chapter. Usually they will just read the first few pages or maybe only the first paragraph. This holds true for a short story that you might submit to a contest. Agents get 50 manuscripts a day and they are looking for any excuse to toss your work into the round file. You want to make your opening a GRABBER.

Make sure the opening scene has some relevance to the rest of the story, whether it actually figures into the plot or echoes the theme. Opening in a beautiful flower garden better reveal a dead body in the posies. Or hearing about a long ago train wreck better foretell another “train wreck.”

What exactly does an Opening Line/Paragraph/Scene in a Short Story, Novel or Screenplay do?

1. Sets the TONE of the story
2. Establishes the GENRE
3. States the PROBLEM
4. It might hint at the SOLUTION
5. Gets you into the action FAST

The Opening should do 2, 3 or all of these things.

 When the OPENING Sets the Tone (funny/mysterious/adventure/children’s lit/chick lit/geezer lit). Don’t start out funny and turn it into a slasher film.

EXAMPLE: I couldn’t believe they found Brad’s body. I thought I buried him deeper.                  “A Role to Die For” by G.B.Pool

             This opening has dark humor; absolutely no remorse (Tone); it’s probably a mystery (Genre); it starts right in the middle of the beginning (Fast); and the reader will want to know if the killer gets caught (Problem).

EXAMPLE: When TONE is established by VOICE

Archie Wright’s the name. Dishing dirt’s the game. My sandbox: Hollywood. The most glamorous and glitzy, vicious, and venomous playground in the world. If you come for a visit, bring your sunscreen and your shark repellent. If you come to stay, let me warn you, Tinsel Town eats up and spits out a hundred just like you every day. Sometimes it isn’t pretty, but it’s my job to chronicle the ebb and flow of the hopeful, the helpless, and the hapless. My best stories come from the dark side of Glitzville.   “Glitzville” by G.B. Pool

      This opening is written in first person which is very one-on-one (Tone); the glib Hollywood-eze sets the Genre; there is a little dark humor, too. (Tone).

2. When the OPENING Establishes the Genre – Mystery, Romance, Children’s Lit, Chic Lit, Geezer Lit, Women’s Fiction, Adventure.

EXAMPLE:

East Berlin – 24 December 1964 – 4:00 p.m.

Why does it always rain when I’m in Berlin? Ralph Barton thought, feeling the oppressive dampness close in around him.            The Odd Man by G.B. Pool

       This opening classifies itself as historical, Cold War story (Genre); the very nature makes it a taught, spy drama (Tone).

EXAMPLE:

Frank Madison rode the Monorail to work.

The used Cadillac Eldorado he bought six years earlier came with a stack of options, most of which didn’t work. The gas tank was currently empty, and so was his wallet, so the mint green boat sat at the curb near his place and he took public transportation.

“The Santa Claus Singer” by G.B. Pool

But in this example, the opening doesn’t set the genre. It does set the TONE. We have a down-on-his-luck guy riding the Monorail (Mono means: one/lonely). It does state a PROBLEM: the guy doesn’t have much money.

Here is another way to set the Genre for this story: Write a GRABBER book blurb

EXAMPLE:

An out-of-work lounge singer ends up playing Santa Claus at the mall and makes a very sick young girl a promise that could cost him everything, but sometimes the best gift you can give is yourself.

The BLURB classifies this as a holiday story (Genre); How is this guy gonna overcome his situation? (Problem).

      Another way to set the Genre so the reading public knows what type of book you have written: Have the book’s COVER fit the story you are telling.

      If you have a publisher who wants to design the cover without your help, write a killer book blurb to capture the essence of your story and/or make sure your OPENING reflects the type of book you are writing. These might be the only times you have input.

      You can always submit a few cover ideas yourself. Just make sure you know what your story is about.

 The Opening can State the Problem.

1. When the blurb tells us it’s a mystery… (Genre)

            EXAMPLE: When a body turns up at a local dam, P.I. Gin Caulfield has to get to the bottom of it, but the bottom can be very deep.

1. The Opening gets us into the story Fast/Sets up Problem:

EXAMPLE:

“How long has he been in the water?” I asked, knowing by the bloated, blue body it was too long. What was left of the corpse’s clothes had shredded, exposing large masses of distended flesh.

“More than a week,” said the sheriff’s deputy. “It got itself tangled in the bramble caught against the rocks down there. If you hadn’t noticed it bobbing up, it could have been there a lot longer. Good call, lady.”

I turned away.

            No, my friend, it was a lousy call. I hate finding dead bodies. No matter what they show on TV, private detectives don’t like corpses. We like the hunt… the chase… the capture. If everybody is still breathing at the end, great. If somebody’s dead, we hope it’s the other guy… or gal. I have seen my share of bad women. We’re not all Betty Crocker.                        Damning Evidence by G.B. Pool

In this opening we have a female detective (Genre); she’s probably been around the block a few times (Tone); she has a conscience and a cynical sense of humor. (Tone); the dead body (is the Problem).

4. The Opening alludes to the Ending or the Solution/Payoff, so you come full circle when you get to the end.

EXAMPLE of an OPENING: “I already told you. I met the guy in a bar. We got to talking. Somehow he knew I’d been in trouble with the law before.”

****

EXAMPLE of the ENDING: “Perhaps you would like to speak to a lawyer now, Mr. Harrison?” said the cop.                                                 “The Big Payoff” by G.B. Pool

The OPENING shows a guy used to being in trouble. The ENDING sees that he has been talking to a cop about a crime all along, though I never mentioned the other guy was a cop until the last word in the story.

HINT: HOOK the READER with a compelling reason to continue reading; have an “out-of-whack” event; something that changes the protagonist’s world view profoundly and the reader just has to know what happens next.

Example:

John Smith didn’t know he was an amnesiac. He discovered that and the fact he was married to two women when one of them turned up dead.

1. The opening gives us 4 things that change John’s world-view: he’s an amnesiac, he was married, to two women, one is dead.
2. the dead wife drops this into the mystery Genre and sets up the Problem.

     The best way to make sure you are opening your story with a BANG is to go over the 5 Elements to any story – Plot, Character, Dialogue, Setting, and the Point of the Story – The Point is the most important. No Point – Why write it?

     The POINT should be reflected in your OPENING!

     Are you writing about Man against Man, Man against Nature, Man against Himself. Good vs. Evil?

1. Use that OUTLINE that lists all the major plot points & characters.
2. Ask yourself: Am I covering all the bases?
3. Reread the story and ask yourself: Does this make sense?
4. Does the Opening grab the reader and make him want to read more?
5. Does the Ending fit the Opening?
6. Does the Title fit the major theme of the story?
7. Does the Cover fit the story?

Take another look at your story and see if these questions have been answered. If it does, you will have a Killer Opening to your story.

 The Anatomy of a Short Story Workbook will be out this summer on Amazon. It’s a great way to analyze your story whether it’s a novel, screenplay or short story. It will help with your Opening and your Ending and everything in between.

Rosemary wrote her first book when she was ten years old – for her little brother. She also illustrated it herself. It was later rejected by Random House!

She has been writing ever since.

The author of Best Sellers Hollywood Then and Now and Los Angeles Then and Now,  English born Rosemary Lord has lived in Hollywood for over 25 years. An actress, a former journalist (interviewing Cary Grant, James Stewart, Tony Hopkins, John Huston amongst others) and a Senior Publicist at Columbia Pictures, she lectures on Hollywood history. Rosemary is currently writing the second in a series of murder mysteries set in the 1920s Jazz Age Hollywood featuring Lottie Topaz, an extra in silent movies.

A Literary Journey

I didn’t intend it this way. It just happened. I was visiting my family in England on what, I reflected later, turned into a very literary journey. ……

Firstly, as I travelled the tube (subway), trains and buses, I was surprised to see so many passengers reading. Actual books. Hard backs and paperbacks – and some kindles. Ian McEwan, John Grisham, John Le Carre,  Lee Childs, Linda Green were some authors I noticed. On a lighter side were Santa Montefiore, JoJo Moyes, Dawn French and Fiona Gibson. An interesting, different selection from what we see in L.A.

A stop British Library on Euston Road, where purses or bags go in a locker. No pens/pencils allowed either – in case you have an urge to doodle on the Gutenberg Bible.

Catching up with my friend Marie Rowe, we wandered around Seven Dials, near Covent Garden. Agatha Christie wrote, The Mystery of Seven Dials. Then to Foyle’s Bookshop, famous for Literary Luncheons. Moved down the road from its’ 100 year old,  rickety, wood-lined shop, it now gleams white and chrome and boasts 4 miles of book shelves. Across the road is the site of Marks and Co, the antiquarian bookshop star of the movie 84 Charing Cross Road. It closed in 1970 and is now a MacDonald’s.

My brother Ted and I took the Docklands Light Railway to Limehouse in London’s East End. The setting for many historic mysteries, Limehouse – on the northern banks of the Thames – is the former site of China Town and opium dens. Remember the jazzy Limehouse Blues? Thomas Burke wrote Limehouse Nights, Dickens set books here and Peter Ackroyd  wrote Dan Leno and the Limehouse Golem.

The Docklands were reclaimed and developed in the 1980 s  with smart high-rises and apartments. Vintage narrow-boats moor next to fancy yachts.

Walking back along the Thames, the river bank is littered with flotsam and jetsam – where many literary bodies are washed up. The Prospect of Whitby in Wapping was a  smugglers’ haunt. Samuel Pepys and Charles Dickens imbibed here. On the sands behind, the gibbet where pirates were hung, remains. Further along, at London Bridge, are Nancy’s Steps, where Dickens had Bill Sykes chase poor Nancy in Oliver Twist.

Another day took us to Oxford, setting for Colin Dexter’s novels about Inspector Morse – and the historic Bodleian Library.

Next, a family outing to Rudyard Kipling’s House, Batemans, in Sussex. He was 36 and world-famous when he found this 33 acre estate. Now a National Trust property, we saw the room where he wrote the Just So Stories, Kim, Puck of Pook’s Hill and more. His large writing table overlooks a serene garden. His Nobel Prize on the mantle-shelf, the faded sofa is where Kipling lay in writing mode. Inspired, he would jump up and hand-write pages. His secretary would later type out his words on the small portable typewriter that sits on a side desk.

He wrote The Jungle Book when he lived in Virginia with his American-born wife, Caroline. Kipling was born in India, his great inspiration.

England was freezing, so my siblings and I flew to sunnier climes in the Peloponnese, Greece. Perfect, sunny weather. We visited the village where Nicolas Katzenzakis wrote the book based on local character, Zorba, who found celluloid fame with an iconic dance on the beach.

We visited the house of the late English writer and war hero, Patrick Leigh Furmor. ‘Paddy’ wrote successful books about The Mani, this area of southern Greece. The film Ill Met By Moonlight, starring Dirk Bogard, was about his wartime heroics.  His overgrown, red-tiled villa on a pebbly beach off the beaten track, is presently being prepared to open as a museum.

I could go on. It was a wonderful trip and over too soon. But I returned to Hollywood with a case full of books and a replenished Kindle. Travel is supposed to broaden the mind. For me, it feeds my soul.