Memoir writing – The Writers in Residence

by Jill Amadio

Invited to give as class on How to Write Your Memoir at the Westport, CT senior center, I agreed, somewhat reluctantly. It would be six 1-hour sessions and limited to 10 people. I almost wrote ‘students’ which, I suppose, they are, but somehow the idea of a group of elderlies didn’t seem to fit.

Having written what I now regard as a rather staggering number of biographies and autobiographies when I pulled all 18 of them from my bookshelves to show the class and let them know I felt confident to consider myself qualified to a certain extent, I realized that no matter how young or old such students would be, I had over the years accumulated the knowledge and experience to write and be published. Thus I would share my insights as an instructor. Of course, six hours is a laughably insufficient time to teach someone how to write their life story but I decided that covering the basics could start them on their journey.

All but six of my books were ghostwritten. The remainder were authored by me or co-authored – often a surprise as my contracts specifically identified me as the ghostwriter and thus hidden and forbidden to reveal who actually wrote the story. I am usually mentioned at the end of the ‘author’s’ Acknowledgements page, with a simple ‘Thank you to Jill Amadio.’ I am still waiting for a client to add – ‘for writing my book for me.’

One traditional publisher insister I be listed as co-author, much to the chagrin of the client’s boyfriend, and a UK publisher graced another book with my name as co-author without asking my permission. Quibble? Ha! It was a delightful surprise which earned me author talks at area locations including to a large group of auto racing drivers and vintage car collectors.

However, this first teaching gig to seniors gave me a few pre-class jitters. Would I have to speak very loudly if they were hard of hearing? Would they be able to read the handouts, meaning I’d probably have to print them in 18-point font? Would they find me boring and self-serving by passing around my hoard of books to establish my credentials?

I need not have worried. The first class was a group of extremely enthusiastic six women and two gentlemen who sat at our conference table with pens and pads ready to jot down my golden advice. I’d created a syllabus, and explained the subject matter each of the six sessions would cover. I also told everyone that they could interrupt me at any time with questions. I thought that if they held their questions until afterwards they might forget them.

All went well and I was bombarded with queries about all aspects of writing, not just memoirs. By the way, I had decided to lump the telling of life stories under the term ‘memoir’ because these days it appears to include biographies and autobiographies, and to my mind has a more important ring to it. Time was when ‘memoir’ meant a telling of a slice of one’s life, a particular incident, but these days many media outlets, for example, have called Prince Harry’s whiny-fest book, ‘Spare,’ by that description (whiny-fest is my own opinion)

My only admonition to the class was that they should not give in to temptation and use their book as a bludgeon against relatives, friends, employers, or others who have, perhaps, wronged the writer at one time or another. I hope they will remember this advice from Omar Khayyam’s poem, “The moving finger writes, and having writ, moves on. Nor all your piety nor wit shall lure it back to cancel half a line, nor all your tears wash out a word of it.”

As I prepare for my second class, next week, I will explain that bringing in several elements of mystery writing can lift a life story by adding tension and suspense, to name a few. Settings and characters can be enhanced with the addition of the writer’s detailed emotions, feelings, and personal point of view. I had told the class about the rhythm of writing and the very next day there was Tammy Walker’s excellent post on our site!

While researching my subject I came across a marvelous list of more than a hundred descriptive verbs. Using them is a great way to bring a scene alive – as we do in our mystery and thriller writing.

Interestingly, as a final note, there was a general consensus from the class when I announced there would be no prompts to be written. Many writing classes include a prompt at each class, whereby students are given a subject, a phrase, or a sentence, and must write a page around it. To my mind, this is a waste of time that can be better employed writing your book. Everyone agreed with me! However, I do encourage journaling as one way to loosen up that creative s spirit.

Do any of my fellow Writers in Residence have any relevant tips?

A few of Jill Amadio’s ghostwritten biographies.

By guest blogger, Alison Wearing

“I think it’s so much easier to define memoir by what it’s not…Memoir is not a chronological recitation of a life. It’s not therapy. It’s not an accusation. It’s not a boast. It’s not fiction. It’s not gossip. Memoir is a search to understand the human condition—to tell a personal, resonating story. Memoir writers look back with empathy—toward themselves and toward others. They fabricate nothing on purpose. They know what to leave out. And they recognize—explicitly and implicitly—they are not the only ones in the room. Their readers matter, too.”
~ Beth Kephart, author of Handling the Truth

It used to be that only famous people wrote about their lives: retired politicians, Hollywood personalities, rock stars. They wrote their memoirs; they still do. The aim of a person’s memoirs is to cover as much of a life as possible, to draft an overview that touches on all the essential points: family, education, relationships, influences, crucial turning points, successes, failures, accomplishments. Memoirs can also be called autobiographies.

More often than not, memoirs and autobiographies are structured chronologically, and generally, we are drawn to read them because the authors (or, in the case of ghostwritten autobiographies, the subjects) are people already familiar to us. There is absolutely nothing wrong with writing an autobiography, as long as your intended audience is your family or those close to you (unless you are famous, in which case your fans await your story!).

I once had a woman in one of my workshops who was creating a handwritten and hand-bound autobiography, complete with sketches of floor plans of the houses the family had lived in, paintings of significant buildings, black-and-white photographs. It was a magnificent creation and will be a priceless treasure for her family and future generations. Those of us in the workshop enjoyed paging through the volumes, admiring certain drawings and photographs, but the story itself didn’t invite or include us. It was a series of details that had relevance only to the people involved in the life described. For what it was, it was spectacular. I don’t want to detract from that approach and the author was very clear about what she was doing and for whom. The reason she joined my workshop was to learn how to write more personally, to delve into the realm of communicating emotion rather than simply the facts. I’m not sure she’ll choose to include that kind of writing in her book, but her family might treasure that intimacy if she does. Either way, this kind of a work isn’t a memoir. It’s an autobiography. It’s the whole kit and caboodle. It’s the wide-angle photo of a life.

An autobiography can be a beautiful endeavor, but it is markedly different from a memoir. For while an autobiography is the story of a life, a memoir is a story from a life.

A memoir may visit different parts and elements of a person’s life, but the intention is not to tell or describe the whole thing. It may deal with a period of time, a place, a relationship, a journey, or several of those things, but the story is delineated, it has a container far smaller than the span of the writer’s life. A memoir has a focus; ideally, it has a clear and narrow focus. And paradoxically, the narrower the focus, the greater the freedom the writer may have to talk about the breadth and fullness of her life. We’ll delve into that more deeply when we get into structure, but for now, let’s just cover the basics of the genre.

In addition to a clear focus, a memoir has, at its heart, a transformation of some kind, a shift in perspective or understanding, a new way of seeing one’s life, a place, a relationship, the world, whatever the theme of the story.

In this way, a memoir often chronicles an emotional journey of some kind, a departure from one aspect of oneself and an arrival at another (often more enlightened) state of being. The author might be trying to achieve resolution, to solve of a problem, or to achieve a higher understanding or acceptance of circumstances, events.

Or, as Mary Karr, author of the now-classic memoir The Liar’s Club, puts it: “In a great memoir, some aspect of the writer’s struggle for self often serves as the book’s organizing principle, and the narrator’s battle to become whole rages over the book’s trajectory.”

The “battle” Karr refers to may take a variety of forms, and it might not be a dramatic fist-fight-of-a-battle so much as a peaceful and gradual unfolding. It could be a recollection of travels written from a broader perspective than what was available at the time.

It could be a revisiting of a traumatic incident from a place of recovery or empathy. Whatever its focus, a memoir is more than just an honest account of an event or a time, more than a simple recounting of events, more than a detailed reportage of a journey from A to B.

It is an effort to make sense of—and perhaps make peace with—an aspect of the writer’s life.

It is an exterior and interior expedition, a quest for meaning.

“Memoir is not about you, or me. It’s about something universal. That is, if you want anyone else to read it. Good memoir takes on something universal and uses you as the illustration of that larger idea.” ~ Marion Roach Smith, author of The Memoir Project

Alison Wearing is a best-selling, multiple-award winning writer, playwright, and performer.

She is also the creator and facilitator of Memoir Writing Ink, an interactive online program that guides people through the process of transforming personal stories into memoir.

Do you have a personal story you wish to write?

Do you wonder how to craft your story to make it compelling reading for others? Or how to structure it so it holds together? Or how to write about difficult memories? Or how to write truthfully about something that happened decades ago? Or what to do if someone else remembers the same events differently, or if they don’t want you to write your story?

These questions can paralyze us, but that doesn’t need to be the case. In fact, those same questions can be the doorways to the finest iterations of your story.

If you’d like to learn more about her 12-week course, visit: Memoir Writing, Ink

Alison also leads Memoir Writing Retreats – next up is in Tuscany, Italy in October 2022 and in April 2023. Interested? Tuscany Retreats