by Jill Amadio
“He fell down, you know, on that.. blah, blah blah…”
Bombarded with the words “you know” in person, on Zoom, on TV, and on the radio, I have this hollow feeling that if I do not know what I am supposed to know when someone says the phrase, what am I missing? How do we “get the drift” of what the speaker means, if we are told we already know it? What is the significance of their words if taken literally? I already know what I am being told?
In other words, how am I to know what the person talking means when it is assumed I know precisely what they mean? By slipping in those two words, often twice in a short sentence and more frequently in long ones, I am left feeling like an idiot because, like many writers, I take words not only seriously but by their true intent.
I am tempted to tell the next person who uses it out of context that, No, I do not know, or I shall ask them why they think I know what they assume I know. I shall also ask them what their intention is in telling me something they think I already know. If I already know it, why waste their time in re-telling it?
What is this innocuous but irritating manner of speaking doing to our psyche? Will our personalities change, or our memories be challenged? Will what we already need be thrown out with the bathwater? A dilemma indeed.
I have yet to read “you-know” used in any newly-published books, thank goodness, but there’s always tomorrow for the opportunity to chance upon this ultimate word-mystery.
I have not yet thrown my buttered scone at the television set as I assume, you know, that the pundit cannot hear me, but, you know, what do I know? With all this high-tech stuff circling the globe, maybe I am wrong, you know. Could I, you know, be behind the times?
Perhaps “you-know” is used to give the speaker a moment to collect their thoughts, to come up with a different statement they intended, or to end a sentence with a lilt of the voice to indicate a question.
There are, of course, plenty of ways to ask the you-know question, such as, “Do you know that…” or “You do know, of course, that he murdered her?” This dialogue sits so much more easily upon a writer’s shoulder, placing the you-know bit within its proper grammatical intention (I think).
Then there’s my gracious understanding of why people use it: to give themselves a break to think up their next statement, to find their place on the teleprompter, to allow them to sound “with-it.”
Intonation, when using “you-know,” is also important, I have observed. There is rarely a tonal upswing indicating it is a question.
If “you-know” is spoken to a young child, do we expect a cogent answer? Children tend to take what we say as dogma. We do not want to saddle kids with untruths.
Can we pronounce “you-know” as y’all know, or y’know? Perhaps this slide into dialect can remove some of its insidious, unnecessary sentiment. Or maybe to give it an inflection it does not deserve. Should we replace “you-know” with a different phrase? I’ve heard people slip in a “my dear” and “indeed, but “you-know” rules the roost – at present.
I have come to regard “you-know” as a target and have to constrain myself from counting how many times it is spoken and in what context. Frankly, I cannot think of any unless “you-know” is posed in a readable sentence such as, “Do you know that…” or “You do know, of course, he is…”
When used in this context, it is obvious that an answer is required, whereas thrown in higglety-pigglety, the phrase has no meaning, but at least it does not put the listener on the spot. However, who knows? I sure don’t.
The Writers in Residence 
Jill, this is a terrific post, and it’s important for us all to be aware of those verbal “tics.” In Toastmasters4Writers, we refer to them as “dysfluencies”–filler words, phrases, and sounds that speakers use, often involuntarily, to fill spaces while they’re pursuing their next thought. In TM4W, we track those dysfluencies to make speakers aware of them so they can try to fill those blank seconds with a pause instead. I’ve heard accomplished speakers, public figures, and university professors detract from their messages with those annoying tics. Once I became aware of them, in myself as well as others, it’s amazing how often I hear them, and they totally annoy me.
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Bonnie, I think of you and Toastmasters whenever I hear someone say “like” or “um” or all those other tics. I’ve attended a few meetings too, and am always surprised how often people still use them. Me too. UGH!
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I actually use a version of that phrase in many of my stories. I usually use: “If you know what I mean.” It’s always spoken by a character who is particularly stupid…and I’m using that as a “medical term” just in case someone gets offended…as if I care. Nevertheless, the phrase shows their lack of cognitive ability because the term is void of anything resembling intelligence. And I have the character use it several times in the course of the conversation. I also have younger characters, raised on i-Pads and TocToc, constantly say “like”… “Like, I’m going to the mall, like, to buy some, like, stuff…” If the reader doesn’t get the sarcasm…Like, I don’t care…If you know what I mean…
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Hahahaha. You are funny, Gayle! Those examples are good for identifying and describing a character. We, like, totally, like get the picture… Yes, we know what you mean. haha.
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Fun post, Jill. I don’t use “you know” much in conversations, nor do my characters say it, but I hear it a lot, depending who I’m talking with. There always seem to be popular phrases at any time in our language, and “you know” has certainly become one of the most popular these days. But you know that.
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hanks, everyone, for your comments. I thin I hit a nerve, you know. I wonder how long it will be before the phrase is replaced by another – something foreign might be interesting, for a change..
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FROM MIKO – Great post, Jill. I thought the same thing as Bonnie, along with other phrases people sometimes use as mid-sentence pauses, like…like, or um. However, it’s good to be conscious of it, particularly when we’re presenting ourselves to potential readers.
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Good post, Jill. I wonder if I’m guilty of these verbal tics—I know I rely on um. When I first published years ago, a reporter (inexperienced, I might add) for a local paper interviewed me. He kept all my ums in the article! I don’t recall any you knows or likes, and I’m sure he would have included them. Note to self: listen to self.
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A hilarious post, Jill. I find that the minute someone starts lacing a sentence with ‘you know’… I tend to switch off. It’s like the old repeated “err….” or ”umm…” and (as my Dad would say) “sheer laziness!”
Us writers love words so much, and there are so many beautiful, colorful ways to use words. Just as the interjection of “like” into sentences, as Gayle mentioned. Jill – it drives me crazy too! Except for Michael Caine’s distinctive version: “Ya know what I mean?…”
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Thanks, Rosemary. I’d forgive Michael Caine for anything, bar none!
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