Writing Humor

by Jackie Houchin

How do you make a story funny?

Do you have to be a comedian? If you can’t make it laugh-out-loud-able, how do you make it chuckle-able, or at least grin-able? Or at the VERY least, smirk-able?

Our own Gayle Bartos Pool does it with punny words, double entendre, dialects, and snappy, sometimes tongue-in-cheek dialogue. And… hysterical situations!

You will grin and you will laugh aloud when you read her short story, “Only in Hollywood” in the Sisters-in-Crime collection, LAndmarked for Murder. I mean, can you picture a bunch of thugs pushing a dressed up dead body around in a wheel chair in the Bonaventure Hotel in Hollywood? No Way!

Gayle’s “Glitzville” in her own short story collection From Light to Dark has some hilarious dialogue scenes. They may not be as tangled as Abbott and Costello’s “Who’s on first?” but they sure come close. The back-and-forth conversation between Archie Wright and Sal Cohn is definitely grin-able. Your eyes will dance down the pages as you read it.

Here’s the opening paragraph so you can “taste” the style, before the funny dialogue begins.

“Archie Wright’s the name. Dishing dirt’s the game. My sandbox: Hollywood. The most glamorous and glitzy, vicious, and venomous playground in the world. If you come for a visit, bring your sunscreen and your shark repellant. If you come to stay, let me warn you, Tinsel Town eats up and spits out a hundred just like you every day. Sometimes it isn’t pretty, but it’s my job to chronicle the ebb and flow of the hopeful, the helpless, and the hapless. My best stories come from the dark side of Glitzville.”

And then the whip smart fun begins….

These are two stories in books you can try out for examples of how write comedic.  Perhaps you can recommend others?

If you are an author, how do YOU make scenes funny in your books? Is it by the characters, or some ridiculous premise, or by snappy, punny words and dialogue?  (SHARE YOUR SECRETS!)

##

Okay, as a journalist and book reviewer, I don’t have much talent with humor aside from a pun now and then. So, for the end of this post, I will try to get you to laugh, chuckle, guffaw, grin, or maybe just smirk with a few corny jokes. (from Woman’s Day magazine)

What do you call a snake wearing a hard hat?
A boa constructor.

What do you get when you cross a centipede with a parrot?
A walkie talkie.

How do you make an octopus laugh?
With ten-tickles.

How do you get a country girl’s attention?
A-tractor.

What do you call a beehive without an exit?
Unbelievable.

(You can pause here and come back later if you are grinned out.)

What do you call someone with no body and no nose?
Nobody Knows.

What do you call a blind dinosaur?
A do-you-think-he-saw-us.

Where do pirates get their hooks?
Second hand stores.

What do you call black birds that stick together?
Vel-crows.

(And a few to whet your appetite.)

What do scholars eat when they’re hungry?
Academia nuts.

Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they’d be called bagels.

Why should you never use “beef stew” as a password?
It’s not stroganoff.

What do you call a pig that does karate?
A pork chop.

(And for our own, Linda Johnston…)

What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.

What do you call a priest who becomes a lawyer?
A father-in-law.

What’s a lawyer’s favorite drink?
Subpoena colada.

I hope you got some ideas, or at least some laughs.

Remember the Bible verse – “A merry heart does good like medicine.” – Proverbs 17:22.

.

If you can’t find where to comment, click the title of this post at the top (Writing Humor) and you should find Likes & Comments below.

Sadly, the COMMENTS BUTTON seems to be missing. We are working on it with a PC man. Please be patient and keep reading  The Writers In Residence every Wednesday!

.

Podcasts for Writers and Readers

I’ve never been a news hound, but felt a need to keep abreast of what was going on, locally and globally. For the most part, I watched the news while walking nowhere (treadmill). But a couple of months ago, I said “enough” and went on a news fast. I’ve been on many such fasts through the years, but this one’s lasting longer—all because I discovered podcasts!

Even though I’ve been a guest on a few podcasts, I rarely listened to them. They can run quite long, up to an hour and more. But many are much shorter, and I now listen to the long ones in segments.

A few of my favorites:

Sisters in Crime. Many of you belong to SinC and Executive Director Julie Hennrikus produces weekly interviews featuring author members discussing  their writing journeys. She kicks off each podcast with the question: “When did you first know you wanted to be a writer?”

Readers get to know more about their favorite authors and discover new ones. View the list of episodes here.

The following three podcasts are educational and offer information, tips, and advice on many writing-related topics, including craft, publishing, marketing, promotion, and social media. The podcast hosts interview writers, editors, and industry experts. Some hosts present the material themselves. Many of the podcasts are accompanied by transcripts.

The Writing and Marketing Show with Wendy H. Jones. Wendy is a Scottish crime writer. In 2022, she visited my Sisters in Crime chapter with a virtual presentation, “Storytelling in Marketing.”

I get that kid-in-a-candy-store feeling when I scroll through Wendy’s long list of podcasts. In “Using AI In Your Writing and Author Business” she presents both sides of the AI controversy. I have my own thoughts and preconceived notions about AI, but I like to make informed decisions, so appreciated her sharing.

Wendy’s podcasts on TikTok are interesting, but I’m NOT embracing that platform. While it’s no longer limited to the young (at least not for writers using BookTok), I don’t see myself producing videos on a regular basis. Still I appreciated Wendy providing information that allowed me to make another informed decision.

Wendy’s many episodes on craft include “Mastering the Art of Crime Story Writing,” “Writing Romantic Suspense,” “Writing for Children,” and “Using Your Own Life Story in Fiction”. View the list of episodes here.

Indy Author Podcast is the brainchild of Matty Dalrymple. As the “Indy” name suggests, this podcast focuses on self-published authors, but the traditionally published can certainly benefit from Matty’s many current and archived episodes.

I had read about auto-narrated audiobooks created by Google Play Books and wondered if I could produce two of my novels as audiobooks without spending thousands. I listened to Matty describe her process in turning out an audiobook for a non-fiction book she had written. It sounds quite challenging—and may be fine for non-fiction, but the monotone doesn’t suit fiction with its variety of voices and accents. Just imagining how my dialogue in the redneck bar scene in Murder at the Moonshine Inn would sound makes me shudder.

Again, a podcast gave me the information I needed to make another—you guessed it—informed decision. View the list of episodes here.

The Creative Penn is produced by Joanna Penn. She spends time at the beginning of each podcast with updates on the publishing industry as well as on her personal news. I’m currently listening to guest Douglas Smith, a Canadian author of speculative fiction who has much knowledge of publishing rights as well as how to sell our work to foreign markets. Where has Mr. Smith been all my writing life! View the list of episodes here.

Mysteryrat’s Maze Podcast, brought to listeners by Kings River Life Magazine, caters to readers. Each episode features a local actor (Fresno, CA) reading a short story or first chapter of a novel. View the list of episodes here.

Recently I learned of these two podcasts, but haven’t listened yet:

Alliance of Independent Authors
View the list of episodes here.

Novel Marketing Podcast
View the list of episodes here.

So I’ve been able to acquire much useful information, and “meet” interesting writers and experts, all while keeping in shape. Multi-tasking at its best, and so much more enjoyable and inspiring than the news. If you think I should know what’s going on in the world, let me assure you that I do. News is in the very air we breathe.

There are lots of podcasts available, on a variety of subjects. Just do a search and you’ll find more than enough choices. Here’s a good resource.

Do you listen to podcasts? Any favorites to recommend?

Leave a comment

  1. .'s avatar

    Your point about finding ways over or around obstacles really resonates. I’ve found that support from experienced professionals can make…

  2. rosemarylordwriter's avatar
  3. rosemarylordwriter's avatar
  4. rosemarylordwriter's avatar
  5. lindaojohnston's avatar

Christmas Stories

By Gayle Bartos-Pool  (G.B. Pool)

Ideas for stories come from everywhere whether it’s a person, a memory, a trip, a news article, an object or a picture. Something triggers a writer’s imagination and a story starts to form. Every short story or novel I ever wrote came from something I came across in my life. My three Christmas novels are no exception.

Bearnard’s Christmas was the first one. Many years ago I worked at a miniature store in California. It was one of the first of its kind in the country and the owner had a great store. She also had a holiday shop in a backroom off the open patio. We did Easter, Halloween, and most of all, Christmas. I could buy Santas for my budding collection wholesale which helped my bank account, but we also went to the Rose Bowl in Pasadena when they had their monthly swap meet. I could get Santas for $.50 to $1.00 way back then.

But Kay Kelley also had Christmas cards. I remember seeing one with a Polar bear in a Santa hat. Bing! That got me thinking about a story about this Polar bear who helps Santa and a lady who just happened to collect dollhouses who ends up at the North Pole one Christmas Eve and helps both Santa and Bearnard, the Polar bear.

Now, on my salary, I couldn’t afford to buy a dollhouse, much less a castle, but I could sketch one out that fit my story. Then I started writing that story. A few years later the shop closed and I had to find another job, but I finally found a new one that paid more in salary and I also met and married my wonderful husband, Richard. Within a few years I could buy a dollhouse kit or two, but my story was about a castle.

By then, I had written my story, but I figured I should build the castle to go with it. I did. And I fashioned the characters in the story out of clay and took pictures of everything for my book. Eventually I got the book published.

Then I saw this Christmas card with a mechanical Santa. Bing! Another idea popped into my head. What if Santa had mechanical likenesses of himself made that could be sent around to stores so his favorite stories could be told to children in his own voice? Santa has his elves make a few mechanical Santas, but a bad guy has them reprogrammed to tell kids to demand more and more toys. What is Santa to do? The Santa Claus Machine tells that story.

A few years later I happened to find this dragon ornament at the hardware store. He was just a little guy, but cute. While I was walking one of our dogs one day, I happened to spot one of those stretchy things girls use for their ponytails on the sidewalk. It was sparkly and just fit around the little dragon’s neck like a Christmas wreath. I slipped it on him and then took him upstairs where the Santa Castle was sitting. I placed the dragon on the roof and said: “Every Castle Needs a Dragon.Bing! Guess what the name of the third book is?

A Christmas card or two, an ornament, and some imagination provided me with three story ideas and three books. Ideas do come from those things. But there is another holiday story that I wrote that had its own origin.

After the miniature store closed, I got a job at two stores in the Glendale Galleria before I got the better job at a bank. First, it was in a card store and then a bookstore. Both had their moments, but at the mall during the holidays, they had a Santa Claus. We’ve all seen them at stores as we were growing up. Well this guy was a neat Santa, but when kids weren’t around he sang. He had a microphone and he would entertain us with all kinds of songs. Bing!

I moved my singing Santa to Las Vegas where he started out as a lounge singer in really small places, but his agent, just an employment agency guy, gets him a job as a Santa in a mall during the holidays. He meets this little girl with an illness who needs some help and this Santa has to decide between his career and this kid. A few things pop up to let him know what life is all about and he makes his decision. This book is called The Santa Claus Singer.

(All books are available on Amazon.)

So ideas come from everywhere. It just depends on what you do with those ideas that determines if you get a story out of it. Write On!

Promotion

by Linda O. Johnston

It’s November. A special month for me. I have two new books being published this month. Yes, two. My sixtieth and sixty-first traditionally published novels.

I’m delighted, of course, but still want to do more.

Meantime, I am now in the middle of promoting those books. What are they?

One of them is CRY WOLF, the second Alaska Untamed Mystery that I’m writing for Crooked Lane Books under my first pseudonym, Lark O. Jensen. I’m going to let the world know about it in a variety of ways, including additional blogs and a chat at Writerspace. I’m being interviewed by some people online. And I’m doing a Great Escapes Blog Tour, also online.

The other is CSI COLTON AND THE WITNESS, a Harlequin Romantic Suspense book in their vast series about the large Colton family. Because it’s a series with a large following in itself, and this story is the eleventh in this year’s miniseries, The Coltons of New York, I’m mentioning it a lot but not doing as much promotion for it.

So what do writers do when they want the world to know about their stories? They get out there and tell people in whatever way makes sense!

I’ve been doing this for a long time and have tried many ways of blaring my books out to anyone who’ll listen, including being on panels at conferences, giving talks at chapters of local writers’ organizations, whatever I can find. I’m doing a blog tour and have done several before. I’m volunteering to write articles for various publications.

Do they help? Who knows? I do sell books, but I’ve not had a bestseller. Not yet. But I’m working on it—and the promotions surely don’t hurt.

So what do you do when you have a book published? How do you publicize it? I’d be delighted to hear new ways of doing it, and the other writers who read this would most likely enjoy hearing it too. What works best for you?

And even if you’re not a writer, what kind of publicity do you like to see best from writers?

Let’s get out there!

A NOVEMBER TO REMEMBER…

By Rosemary Lord

“Remember, remember the 5th of November,

With gunpowder treason and plot.

I see no reason why gunpowder treason,

Should ever be forgot.”

So begins the English children’s rhyme. Back in 1605, when Frenchman Guy de Fawkes tried to blow up the Houses of Parliament, his plot was discovered, and he was stopped. And each November since, the Brits celebrate their victory with ‘Guy Fawkes Night’ or ‘Bonfire Night.’ The children make a ‘guy’ – a dressed-up scarecrow figure that looks like Guy Fawkes. They take their effigies around the streets (usually in a cart or pram) asking for “A penny for the guy!” collecting money to buy fireworks.

The evening festivities include huge bonfires, in your own garden or in community squares, with informal fireworks displays, chestnuts and potatoes roasted on the fires and hot cocoa to drink. A fun winter evening for all ages.

November is a busy month.

The Hindu celebration, Diwali: The Festival of Lights, is November 12th this year. It is a Hindu new year celebration to say goodbye to the negative and welcome the positive for the year to come. It is a five-day celebration of the triumph of light over darkness, where candles and lights abound, children with sparklers, music and dance (Bollywood style) delicious food and henna tattoos.

A more somber but very heartfelt event is Remembrance Day in England on November 11th.

It commemorates the Armistice of 1918, signaling the end of the First World War. In England, Australia, and Canada – the Commonwealth countries – people wear a red poppy in respect. At 11 am – the eleventh hour of the eleventh day of the eleventh month, at the Cenotaph in London, the guns fire a salute, broadcast throughout the countries, followed by two minutes silence. The buses, trains and traffic stop. The River Thames and various spots like Trafalgar Square are covered in red poppies in the tribute to the men and women who served in military and civilian service in World War I, World War II and later conflicts. The poppies are a reminder of the red poppies that grew in Flanders Field where so many perished and are buried.

In America, November 11th is Veteran’s Day: a time to thank and pay tribute to all the men and women who have served or are serving in the military. A grateful nation decorates their homes and gardens with the American flags, and as they pay homage to the veterans, they celebrate with barbeques and patriotic concerts. Coffee shops, restaurants, shops, pay homage to the veterans with welcome signs in the windows and gifts and special discounts. Flags are proudly displayed everywhere. It is a National Holiday.

So, with all this pageantry and celebration going on you might ask, what has this to do with writing? Well – for me, it’s the inspiration. As a historian and writer, I just love to write about these amazing points in history. I think the human angle to these great events gives us rich sources of personal encounters, heroic actions, missed opportunities for mayhem and miracles. Finding a personal account of someone who was there, an eyewitness. I like the idea of using actual historic events and traditions as a backdrop. And when we delve into the real-life stories, we uncover real people; from the big heroes to the ordinary folk just trying to survive the challenges of everyday life. We discover fascinating tidbits of human nature that raise our stories to make something very special.

 And November ushers in the winter months, when we turn our clocks back, the days are desperately shortened, with darker mornings and a chill spreads around us. (Unless you’re living in Australia, of course). We dig out that cozy, thick wool sweater, heavyweight sweatpants, fuzzy slippers and we’re ready to sit at our computers with a mug of something hot. The empty page beckons and away we go: off to write another best-seller!

Every November I promise myself that in these ensuing long, dark evenings I will get a lot more writing completed.

And the winter season presents even more back-drops for our mysteries, romances, horror stories or science fiction. Holiday themed novels are always popular. Christmas stories are especially fun to write and popular – except you’re not allowed to call them Christmas stories anymore. So, that’s a fun writer-challenge: how to write about Christmas without using the word Christmas! But I digress…

Another really good challenge for some of us during the winter months is… decluttering the computer files. I didn’t say it was fun challenge, did I? But it is surprisingly therapeutic.

I discovered this need, after spending almost an hour trying to find a file I had just been working on. You see, I couldn’t remember exactly what I had labelled it. If you add a ‘the’ or start with a date, you have to know where to search. (Sometimes, learning Greek seems easier than mastering computers!)  

In this quest I discovered dozens of files in a foolishly labelled folder “Assorted writing.” Lesson #1: NEVER file anything under “Assorted” or “Miscellaneous”.

That was another file: “Miscellaneous” with ‘2022’ added for supposed clarity! Didn’t help. I learned the hard way.

Despite the fact that my hunt for my file was lengthy and tedious, I discovered a few gems of old, forgotten, partially written tales and story ideas. Hmmm.

And so I resolved to declutter (there’s that word again!) my files and create a comprehensive labeling and filing system.  One that I could remember! A Herculean task, I realize. But one that I can work on during the long, dark, winter evenings.

It’s either that – or I’m diving back under the duvet –and reading my kindle in the dark, where no one can find me!

What’s your plan for the winter months ahead?